by Robert Cooperman
Dear Mr. Coppleman,
It has come to our attention
that although you have paid off
your mortgage, there were fees
we forgot to inform you of
and which you have neglected to pay,
and therefore, your ownership
of the said property is null and void,
as you were in arrears to the amount
of $7.32, compounded, which means
you owe our institution $1,256,085.22.
Thus, we have begun foreclosure proceedings.
You have thirty days to vacate;
your furniture and wedding dinner service
will be confiscated, as will any and all
bank accounts, IRAs, and stocks and bonds,
as well as all electronics, jewelry, and clothing;
you may keep your book collection.
If you have any questions, you may
contact our automated Customer Service Hotline
or visit us online at the e-location
listed below, but customers have experienced
difficulties and delays getting through.
Have a nice day, and we hope
to serve you again in the future,
with all your banking and borrowing needs.
This poem originally appeared in Main Street Rag.
Robert Cooperman’s latest collection of poetry is The Lily of the West (Wind Publications). Forthcoming is Little Timothy in Heaven (March Street Press). His work has appeared in Blue Collar Review and Home Planet News.